Tag Archives: Turlock

Go Giants!

Unknownps
Pablo Sandoval – Senor Octubre

Greetings,

<Even year magic: San Francisco Giants and the World Series>

The Smile Jamaica Ark-Ives Holy Trinity of Obsessions

  • Reggae and Dubwize
  • Green Bay Packers NFL
  • San Francisco Giants baseball
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Smile Jamaica’s second favorite green

Sunday Night conundrum: My two favorites are playing at the same time. Praise Jah for DVR. Packers versus Saints. So I’m watching the World Series live while I “chop up” the Smile Jamaica Jah-loween Monster Hash 3 Hour Blast.

World Series: Royals vs my Giants. Madison Bumgarner is the Royals nightmare. Three down, 1 to go!

***

bochy
Manager Bruce Bochy throwing the hairy eyeball against the weaksauce American League with their lame Designated Hitters. Fiya bun the DH!

Been a fan of both teams since I was in elementary school.  Suffered through decades of thin gruel till they started getting good with the sugar high (ha ha) of Barroid Bonds, the pre-perv Brett Favre era.

I got the dubble dose in 2010-2011. Giants finally broke through since they relocated from NYC to San Francisco in 1958. (I was so happy I bought a new car the day after they spanked the Rangers 4 games to 1).

Then when Brett Favre was showing his ding a ling to a bunch of gals, Aaron Rodgers beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 31-25 leading the Packers to victory in the Super Bowl.

Posey
From the San Francisco Chronicle, “Buster Posey said listening to the online Smile Jamaica Ark-Ives this past year helped raise his batting average 17 points over 2013.”

And after a roller coaster season, here comes the Giants again. However, I must admit. I grew up a Dodgers fan until something outrageous happened that made me hate Dodger Blue like Rastas hate pork chops.

Growing up in Fort Benton, Montana our family would pack up for two weeks every summer. Big old Ford Station wagon. My dad had to drive about 1250 miles each way. Back in the wooly days before MADD, he’d grab a sixer of Olympia beer and head out on the open road.

My grandfather lived in Turlock, Collie-fornya (home of Niners QB Colin Kapoernick) but if we were gonna check Disneyland and Knottsberry Farm, we would head for our relatives who lived in Hawthorne (home of the Beach Boys).

Probably through that connection I was a Dodgers fanatic. Here is what kind of fan I was: I won my age group’s Punt, Pass and Kick competition in Fort Benton. Rather than compete at the next level in Great Falls, I stayed home to watch the Dodgers play the Oakland A’s in the World Series.

Oct. 1974. The era of 3 channels; no VCR’s; no DVR’s.  The A’s spanked the Dodgers 4-1. I remember Dodger first basemen Bill Buckner being thrown out at home and I started crying. (9 years old.) I wasn’t a bit surprised he effed up that grounder to first as a Red Sock in 1986.

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Bill Buckner 12 years before immortal infamy as a Red Sock

Wheel it forward a few years. The old school Dodger manager, Walter Alston, retired. Tommy Lasorda took his place. Brash and Italian where Alston was serious and pensive. Lasorda might have been a paisan but he was Hollywood all the way.

Tommy Lasorda is the reason I became a Dodger hater and a life long San Francisco Giant fan. What happened? Tommy Lasorda committed the heinous crime of playing himself in a television episode of the 70’s crap TV show Fantasy Island. Mar. 28, 1978: That was an unforgivable sin.

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Fantsy Island Mar. 1978: Steve Garvey, Mr. Roarke (Ricardo Montalban), Dodger player, Sicilian ham actor/manager Tommy Lasorda. There is a thin line between love and hate

The next week the 1978 baseball season started. In order to be an anti-Dodger, the only play was to become a San Francisco Giants fan. 35+ years later whenever I see that camera hog Tommy Lasorda I throw the malocchio his way.

Go Giants!

bless, robt

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Pre-Steroids Barry Bonds. Never won a World Series ring

July 20, 1969 Moonwalk “Neil Armstrong Submits”

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“Wow. I’m high!”

Greetings,

July 20, 1969. Mankind finally reached the boundaries of outerspace. The most amazing technological achievement of our species.

My Mesopotamian ancestors, the Anunnaki, must have been tremendously proud of us!

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The Anunnaki – Sons of the God Anu. “Those who come from the Heavens to the Earth”. From the 12th Planet Nibiru. Returning to Earth in 2800 AD. Look at his wristwatch!

I was 4 years old and vaguely remember watching this with my family. My Assyrian grandparents were in Montana with us visiting from Turlock, Colly-fornya. I remember them chattering away in Syriac in amazement with my mom. While my Anglo dad probably sat on the couch nursing an Olympia. (Which we called Owl Piss in high school.)

Smile Jamaica Jah-neology: Assyrian, German, Norwegian. Thus, I am Half Assed

My Grandfather Jibrael was my hero before Bob Marley. I moved to Utah from Montana to study the Middle East. Picked up a couple of degrees in Arabic and Middle East History at the University of Utah. Wanted to devote my life to settling the tribal war of brother killing brother. Took the Foreign Service exam.  I had one year to go: either work for the Government or go to Grad School in Collie-fornya.

I lost the plot during the first Gulf War. I did not want to be like James Bond and become a grungier version of a Neoliberal hitman. “Shaken not stirred?” More like,  “bongrip not rolled.”

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License to chill, dreadie!

Decided to stick around and devote my attention to Roots Reggae instead on Smile Jamaica. Take some time to consider my options.

While I was in the Middle East program, I met a variety of Muslims from around the World: Palestinians, Syrians, Malaysians, Iranians, Turks. Went to lots of parties and settled the world’s problems via awesome food choices.

One of these discussions I remember having was the rumor in the Muslim world that Neil Armstrong, the first man who walked on the Moon, was a Muslim.

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Haji Neil Armstrong, “La ilaha ila Allah wa Muhammad rasul’llah”

Here is the Urban Legend:

There is no sound in outerspace. While Neil Armstrong was doing the original Moonwalk, he heard something he could not explain in his space helmet. It wasn’t radio static from Mission Control. It wasn’t random noise or gibberish but a language of vocabulary and sentences.

When Armstrong, an International hero, visited Cairo, Egypt, he  heard the Muezzin: The man who takes to the heights to call his fellow Muslims to prayer.

Neil was staggered. That is what he heard in space! He converted to Islam before he left Cairo.

Wikislam entry

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In Space no one care hear you pray

I wrote to Cecil Adams of the Straight Dope .

He gave me the Hairy Eyeball. Never answered my query in his columns. Probably because I aced him out on a response on the Beatles’ “butcher block” cover of the albumYesterday and Today

BUTCHERED BEATLES ALBUMS

Dear Cecil:

In your discussion of the controversy over the “butcher cover” of the Beatles’ “Yesterday” … and Today [January 9], you mentioned that the design showing the moptops draped in raw cuts of meat and holding decapitated dolls was an attempt to satirize the vapid cover art of the time. But this isn’t really what the bloody motif was meant to represent. It was a protest by the Beatles directed at Capitol, their American record label. Capitol was in the habit of shaving tracks from the British LPs and hoarding them for another full album of “new” songs for American consumption in between “official” releases. The butcher cover was a statement against the greed of the American record label who “butchered” the Beatles’ artistic integrity for the sake of commerce. –Robert Nelson, Salt Lake City, Utah

Dear Robert:

Some people claim to have heard this explanation from John Lennon himself. Maybe they did, but if so it’s an explanation Lennon cooked up after the fact. As I explained before, the idea for the cover came from photographer Bob Whitaker, and the Beatles eagerly agreed to it. At the time Lennon reportedly said, “I especially pushed for it … just to break the image.” That it did. To quote my assistant Jane, who has a “peeled” copy of the stereo version of the album–that is, with the bland replacement cover photo peeled off: “Eww.”

butcher

Smile Jamaica 1; Straight Dope 0

***

When Neil applied to lead a Boy Scout troop there was a requirement that he describe his religious affiliation. He wrote deist. A true stoic hero of rare magnitude who eschewed political attempts to co-opt his celebrity and resented American Exceptionalism as the self appointed world’s policeman. He passed away in 2012.

Armstrong did, however, see UFO’s while in space. But that is fodder for a future post.

On a more optimistic Middle Eastern/space exploration note:

Since America and Russia squandered our scientific resources on Mutual Assured Nucelar Destruction, we as a people haven’t budged on space travel. The way I see it, we should have been space hopping and making Extra Terrestrial contact with our planetary neighbors in the decades since Neil and his mates took that “giant leap for mankind.”

Praise Anu, that our Emirati peers are going to re-boot planetary travel

United Arab Emirates taking a Magic Carpet Ride

bless, robt

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Revenge of the Anunnaki. “I am coming back in 786 years and you fools better get your crap together”